I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
