This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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