if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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