i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
