He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
