girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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