If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
