I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
