I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
