just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
