i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
