remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize