who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
