I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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