I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
