I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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