there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
