I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
