I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
