SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
