I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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