Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
