so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
