so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
