covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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