is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
