I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
