The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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