Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
