Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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