Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
