Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
