My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
