I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
