It's Friday. Sex?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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