the day after is always just damage control
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
