my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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