i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
