I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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