worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I pour the whiskey from now on
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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