ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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