so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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