im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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