Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
