How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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