Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
