why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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