I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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