He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
