i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
