I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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