you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
did i just pee glitter
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
