i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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