i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
