I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize