4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
