Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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