I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
