Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
