If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
