Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
