you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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