The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
