I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
