So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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