She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
