dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
